1) My Lasko Space Heater
Of all the (doubtless plentiful) odes to space heaters to be found on the world wide web, may this one stand alone. I love you, My Lasko Space Heater, sometimes so much that it’s a little scary! I find myself thinking about you when the lights are out, in the stillness of the night… I wonder what you’re doing at that exact moment, what you’re thinking about; sometimes I ponder turning on my bedside lamp just to see what you’re up to – it’s crazy, I know! But you make me crazy. The moments that we spend together are sacred to me, My Lasko Space Heater. Whether you are feeling frisky, oscillating to and fro, or the two of us are just hanging out and relaxing, me on my computer, you pointed directly at my feet from six inches away, the bond that we share transcends mere inefficient heating and higher power bills. It’s more like love.
2) The Awesome Acoustic Guitar Line That Scott Played
When I asked Scott Foster to lay down a guitar track for my album, you were but a twinkle in my eye, The Awesome Acoustic Guitar Line That Scott Played, but now that I’ve finally met you, I can’t get you out of my mind! Before you came into my life, all I knew was that I wanted a cool counter-line that would work in 5/4 and give a sort of Oud-ish sound. But after sitting at the piano to work you out, it was like I could feel you sidle up behind me, caressing my shoulders and ears, whispering sweet nothings about complementary rhythms and subtle reharmonization. And when Scott actually played you, why, my microphone nearly wept with joy! You are the real deal, The Awesome Acoustic Guitar Line That Scott Played; you are The Dude’s Rug.
3) Trader Joe’s Nothing But Sea Salt Bagel Chips
Oh, Trader Joe’s Nothing But Sea Salt Bagel Chips, where do I begin? Which do I love more, your salty, buttery flavor, or your insanely inexpensive price? Or, perhaps the thing I love about you the most, Trader Joe’s Nothing But Sea Salt Bagel Chips, is your versitility – five or six of you are the perfect mid-afternoon snack, and yet you also function beautifully as the croutons in my salads. Indeed, you add such a delicious, crunchy texture to the proceedings that you can transform even the blandest green salad into a party for the senses! You are my secret salad weapon, and together we make an unstoppable team. If I am dreaming, which so often, when I am in your glorious presence, I fear I must be, then may I never wake! Every moment with you, Trader Joe’s Nothing But Sea Salt Bagel Chips, is pure, crunchy bliss.