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Still Life in Three Parts

7 Jun

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Part One: Origin! Potential!

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Part Two: Actualization

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Part Three: The Cycle Continues

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Do you ever wonder…

29 Mar

…where my favorite place to get a sandwich is in San Francisco? Or the name of the studio where I most enjoy recording music?

Well, thanks to Karen Palmer at the SF Examiner, now you know.

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The answer to that first one is a resounding "Kezar Bar & Grill."

The Many Bowls of 1778 9th Avenue

7 Mar

It’s a common problem: large groups of people cohabit, roommates come and go, and after a few years, dish accumulation reaches mind-boggling levels.  It can be confusing for everyone – which bowl goes where?  How should they be washed? And which one is best used for pasta?  For cereal? How about ice cream?

Here at Richie’s Field Guides, we feel your pain!  That’s why we’ve written this, our 2009 Field Guide to the seventeen distinct species of bowl indigenous to the kitchen at 1778 9th Avenue.

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1. Small Red Bowl, Asian Design.

  • # in Cupboard: 4
  • Primary Uses: Small fruit salad, Crackers or nuts for party.
  • Identifying Characteristics: Small, Plastic, Ethnic, Part of larger set

2. Inverted Pyramid Bowl

  • # in Cupboard: 2
  • Primary Uses: Medium fruit salad, Asian noodle dishes
  • Identifying Characteristics: Odd shape, Not good for cereal

3. Standard White Bowl

  • # in Cupboard: 2
  • Primary Uses: Large Cereal Bowl, Soup Bowl
  • Identifying Characteristics: Good shape, weird yellow ring in basin

4. White Saucer

  • # in Cupboard: UNIQUE ITEM
  • Primary Uses: Veggies, Non-liquid materials
  • Identifying Characteristics: Not exactly a bowl

5. Large Brown Bowl

  • # in Cupboard: 3
  • Primary Uses: All-purpose, Cereal, Popcorn, Soup
  • Identifying Characteristics: Sturdy, Gets really hot in microwave

6. Standard Bowl (Purple)

  • # in Cupboard: UNIQUE ITEM
  • Primary Uses: All-purpose, size between #3 and #5,
  • Identifying Characteristics: Origins unknown, Sort of tulip-shaped

7. Wide White Bowl

  • # in Cupboard: 3
  • Primary Uses: Cereal
  • Identifying Characteristics: Wide base, sturdy construction

clear-scalloped18. Scalloped Glass Bowl

  • # in Cupboard: UNIQUE ITEM
  • Primary Uses: Small cereal bowl, small soup bowl, Ice cream
  • Identifying Characteristics: Fits with #11 and #16, Unique design

9. Wide Brown Bowl

  • # in Cupboard: UNIQUE ITEM
  • Primary Uses: Salad, Stews, Meat Loaf (never used for this)
  • Identifying Characteristics: Recent immigrant; Shows real promise

10. Large Scalloped Glass Bowl

  • # in Cupboard: UNIQUE ITEM
  • Primary Uses: Dinner Salads, Popcorn
  • Identifying Characteristics: Origins unknown, Possibly came in with #8

blue-bowl11. Small Blue Bowl

  • # in Cupboard: UNIQUE ITEM
  • Primary Uses: Small cereal bowl, Small soup bowl, Small yogurt bowl
  • Identifying Characteristics: Fits with #8 and #16, Has strong moral fiber

12. Small Bowl, Plastic

  • # in Cupboard: UNIQUE ITEM
  • Primary Uses: Small bowl ideal for fruit, seasonings, or chopped veggies
  • Identifying Characteristics: A plastic doppelganger of #15

13. Wide Glass Baking Bowl

  • # in Cupboard: UNIQUE ITEM
  • Primary Uses: Medium-large salad, pasta, pot pies (never used for this)
  • Identifying Characteristics: Origins unknown, has lid somewhere

14. Large Green Salad Bowl

  • # in Cupboard: UNIQUE ITEM
  • Primary Uses: Mixing Dry Cookie Ingredients, Large Salads
  • Identifying Characteristics: Strangely sad, rarely used because of #10

white-ceramic115. Small White Ceramic Bowl

  • # in Cupboard: 5
  • Primary Uses: Small bowl ideal for fruit, seasonings, or chopped veggies
  • Identifying Characteristics: A ceramic doppelganger of #12

16. Small Glass Bowl

  • # in Cupboard: 5
  • Primary Uses: Small cereal bowl, small soup bowl, small yogurt bowl
  • Identifying Characteristics: Fits with #8 and #11, shifty personality

17. Large Wooden Bowl

  • # in Cupboard: UNIQUE ITEM, not in cupboard
  • Primary Uses: Sits on table, holds fruit and garlic until it becomes rotten
  • Identifying Characteristics: Wooden, needs washing

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At Richie’s Field Guides, we’re dedicated to giving you a quality field guide experience. We hope that this guide has been helpful!  Just keep it on your person whenever you venture into the kitchen and you’ll be spot-identifying “Small blue bowl” and “Large green salad bowl” in no time!

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Things I Am Loving Today

7 Dec

1) My Lasko Space Heater

Of all the (doubtless plentiful) odes to space heaters to be found on the world wide web, may this one stand alone.  I love you, My Lasko Space Heater, sometimes so much that it’s a little scary!  I find myself thinking about you when the lights are out, in the stillness of the night… I wonder what you’re doing at that exact moment, what you’re thinking about; sometimes I ponder turning on my bedside lamp just to see what you’re up to – it’s crazy, I know!  But you make me crazy.  The moments that we spend together are sacred to me, My Lasko Space Heater.  Whether you are feeling frisky, oscillating to and fro, or the two of us are just hanging out and relaxing, me on my computer, you pointed directly at my feet from six inches away, the bond that we share transcends mere inefficient heating and higher power bills. It’s more like love.

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Also sprach Zarathustra, anybody?

2) The Awesome Acoustic Guitar Line That Scott Played

When I asked Scott Foster to lay down a guitar track for my album, you were but a twinkle in my eye, The Awesome Acoustic Guitar Line That Scott Played, but now that I’ve finally met you, I can’t get you out of my mind!  Before you came into my life, all I knew was that I wanted a cool counter-line that would work in 5/4  and give a sort of Oud-ish sound.  But after sitting at the piano to work you out, it was like I could feel you sidle up behind me, caressing my shoulders and ears, whispering sweet nothings about complementary rhythms and subtle reharmonization.  And when Scott actually played you, why, my microphone nearly wept with joy!  You are the real deal, The Awesome Acoustic Guitar Line That Scott Played; you are The Dude’s Rug.

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It really ties the tune together, does it not?

3) Trader Joe’s Nothing But Sea Salt Bagel Chips

Oh, Trader Joe’s Nothing But Sea Salt Bagel Chips, where do I begin?  Which do I love more, your salty, buttery flavor, or your insanely inexpensive price? Or, perhaps the thing I love about you the most, Trader Joe’s Nothing But Sea Salt Bagel Chips, is your versitility – five or six of you are the perfect mid-afternoon snack, and yet you also function beautifully as the croutons in my salads.  Indeed, you add such a delicious, crunchy texture to the proceedings that you can transform even the blandest green salad into a party for the senses!  You are my secret salad weapon, and together we make an unstoppable team.  If I am dreaming, which so often, when I am in your glorious presence, I fear I must be, then may I never wake!  Every moment with you, Trader Joe’s Nothing But Sea Salt Bagel Chips, is pure, crunchy bliss.

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Behold a shining, beautiful soul.

Things I Am Loving Today

20 Nov

1) Trader Joe’s Organic Corn Chips

I am color-blind. You could be blue, yellow, or white, but no matter your appearance, today I am loving you, Trader Joe’s Organic Corn Chips.  You are so salty and delicious, I do not need salsa, or guacamole, or taco salad to enjoy you.  I could snack on you all day.

No Salsa Required.
No Salsa Required.

2) Mizuno WaveRider 11 Running Shoes

Oh, Mizuno WaveRider 11 Running Shoes, you are amazing.  I did not realize how lacking my Mizunno WaveRunner 10 Running Shoes were until I put you on, and now I see so clearly!  Running on you is like running while getting a foot massage from someone who really cares about me as a person.

It's like they know who I am inside.

It's like they know who I am inside.

3) My Brother-in-Law Mike’s Taylor 710 Acoustic Guitar

How amazing can a guitar sound?  This amazing.  There is no sound quite like you, My Brother-in-Law Mike’s Taylor 710 Acoustic Guitar.  You are easy on the fingers, eyes, and ears, and you record like a dream.  I will borrow you as often as Mike will let me.  You make the days of playing on my Ovation acoustic/electric feel like a distant, unclean memory, mere plastic washed away by the purity of your resonance.

My capo is ecstatic.

My capo is ecstatic.

The Chinese Food Myth

5 Aug

“You’re totally hungry an hour later.”

I swear that shit is a myth.  To start with, it is biologically improbable; take-out Chinese food seems to consist, for the most part, of shredded meat, sugary-type goo, veggies, noodles, sugary-type slime, rice, peas, and actual sugar.  These ingredients do not scream “will digest really quickly!”

I remember someone once floating the theory that MSG causes food to digest faster or something? Perhaps that is true, but it seemed like Modern Jackassness at its finest.  

How did this idea get so much traction?   The joke about “an hour later, you want more,” particularly when used to describe Chinese things other than cuisine, is well on its way to becoming as hoary a gag as the one about sweet and sour chicken containing dog bits.  

Perhaps no one believes it, and we are all just continuing the charade so that we can feel better about getting seconds?

Well, all I have to say is… last night I got Mae Lee’s from 9th and Irving.  And I was not hungry an hour later. I am barely hungry a DAY later.  Ugh.

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