1) My AKG K240 Studio Headphones
I truly hope that no one needs my attention at the moment, because it is focused squarely on you, My AKG K240 Studio Headphones. When I put on your large, soft, circumaural ear cups, the outside world melts away! Everyone says not to look for perfection in a partner, but with you, I don’t feel like I’m settling in any way – you really ARE perfect! From your wide stereo field to your removable mini-XLR plug, you are the full package, My AKG K240 Studio Headphones. What’s more, I could wear you all day, and never get listeners fatigue or sore ears. And now that you’ve been discontinued and replaced with a twice-as-expensive, worryingly different-looking “Mark II,” I cherish you all the more. Would that I’d known, I would have bought five of you! But alas, there is only you, My AKG K240 Studio Headphones; lucky you, you’ll get my whole heart, and both of my ears.
2) Trader Joe’s Columbia Sumatra House Blend
Roses are red, violets are blue, coffee is various shades of brown, and I love grinding you up and straining you through water! Oh, Trader Joe’s Columbia Sumatra House Blend; the thought of your delicious flavor gets me up in the morning, and your high level of caffination keeps me up! I have tried many roasts of coffee in my time – TJ’s Bay Blend, French Roast, some of the smaller sumatra cans, not to mention various roasts and blends from Harbucks, and none can hold a candle, or a coffee grinder, to you.
3) Patterns For Jazz by Jerry Coker
They say that true love never gets boring, and you never cease to surprise me, Patterns for Jazz by Jerry Coker! Whenever I want a method book that will surprise me with its puckish, irascible nature, I reach for you, and you never let me down! One minute, I’m running my major 9th arpeggios by whole-steps, and then, surprise! You rascal, you’ll make me do them in minor thirds! You so crazy! And it makes me crazy with love. Before I can wipe the bemused smile off of my face, you’ve had me play the same pattern five different ways, inverted, or rhythmically flipped, or, oh ho! With a new chord tone! You have so many ways of making your first fifty pages interesting that I wonder if I’ll ever make it through to the end? But when a journey has been as deep and rewarding as ours, well, Patterns for Jazz by Jerry Coker, can you really blame me for never wanting it to end?
4) The Sun
Hello, The Sun. I’ve been waiting for you. I know you were always there, lurking just out of sight, thinking of me like I was thinking of you… in my heart I knew this was true, but seeing you again, it still feels so good! Now that you’re back in my life, every day is a wide-open window, a fruit salad in the breeze, a long afternoon jog. Sure, you may be a mass of incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace where hydrogen is built into helium at a temperature of millions of degrees, but, The Sun, you’re my mass of incandescent gas. Now is the springtime of our love; let’s make the most of it, before the long, foggy days of summer come to steal you away from me again.