1) The 6 Parnassus
The 6 Parnassus, will you marry me? We already live so close to one another, and spend so much time together, it seems like moving in and having a joint bank account is the next logical step. I am loving you, The 6 Parnassus, because you do so much for me; you take me everywhere I need to go, you are quiet and considerate, and you are, if I may say so, quite the looker! I am willing to forgive your shortcomings, The 6 Parnassus, such as when you tell me you are coming in one minute on nextbus, then move it to 2 minutes, and then vanish altogether, forcing me to wait a really long time. I forgive these transgressions because that’s what love truly is – forgiveness. So let’s do it! It’s California, after all, and I’m sure that man/bus marriage is right around the bend. Isn’t that what that Santorum guy said? A quick jaunt to City Hall, and we could have it all; a house, a cat, and little buses scooting around, like The 37 Corbett and The 66 Quintara!
2) The Road by Cormac McCarthy
The Road by Cormac McCarthy, I know you pretend to be gruff and unfeeling, but I see the real you beneath the facade. You spend so many pages scaring the living Christ out of me with your vivid portrait of a dead world, and the bleak, last gasps of humanity, scratching along the surface, starving and eating itself, but what you’re really filling those pages with is joy and caring. Because you do care, The Road by Cormac McCarthy, and without you, I wouldn’t know that after the bombs fall, I should fill up the tub with water, and that if I need to put my scavanged food in a shopping cart, that it’s a good idea to carry spare wheels! The Road by Cormac McCarthy, you even let me know that when my gun is down to one bullet, I should carve false ones out of wood so that the road agents who would otherwise rape me and my son to death and then roast and eat our corpses will think I have six bullets. I see right through you, The Road by Cormac McCarthy; you scare because you care. I and my newly-updated 72-hour survival kit thank you, from the bottom of our heart and emergency-band radio, respectively.
3) Nervo’s Marshall Vintage Modern Half-Stack
Come over here, Nervo’s Marshall Vintage Modern Half-Stack, I want to get to know you better. I think I am loving you, not only for your delightfully contradictory name, but for the sweet, sweet rock you produce. After recording you on Sunday, I’m not sure I can ever go back to using a PODXT to record demos; even though it would save the trouble of lugging your gigantic ass around, I would miss your warm, crunchy, extremely high-gain embrace too much! Nervo’s Marshall Vintage Modern Half-Stack, when you play a power chord, kitty cats are moved to learn the piano. When you play a lead line, an Obama supporter gets her wings. Though I will never have the space nor the need to own one of you, I am happy to know that you exist, Nervo’s Marshall Vintage Modern Half-Stack. You rule.